Since January, I have come to a startling conclusion. When I think theologically, I am thinking from an Eastern basis for some of my views. I realized that the emptiness of the Novus Ordo Mass was not just the NO, but the Tridentine Mass as well. I do not beleive I am a latin anymore theologically or liturgically. I am some kind of stange hybred between the two. So I decided I will rediscern Eastern Catholicism once again. Now I fully understand the implications of the Filioque so I have no reason to worry of being led astray by photian schismatics. At first I thought the Byzantine Liturgy at St. Basil's was where I should go. It is better there, but it is not home. I realized two sundays ago that the Maronites were where I felt most comfortable. This is not really new information, I had realized this over Christmas break as well when I would go there instead of my Latin Catholic parish. I had stopped attending the Maronite Qurbono at St. Elias' as much over last summer break because I thought I should reaquaint myself with St. Andrew's since I had avoided it for so long due to my SSPX schismatic mindset. Now that I am fully recovered from this SSPX mindset, I realize that the Maronite Church had grown on me immensely. What is the point of this blog post one may ask? Well I beleive that this is the start of a serious discernment as to whether I should become a maronite or remain a latin Catholic. I am not doing this to be a married priest. Especially since in the Maronite church, a married priest's ordination is pushed much further back then an unmarried cleric. No my motivation here is a serious look at whether or not I am indeed a Latin Catholic at heart, or a Maronite Catholic. This even makes my priestly, and religious discernment harder because you must wait five years after switching Ritual Churches to enter seminary in it. At best I am looking at 26 before I could even consider entering a seminary if that is what God is calling me to. Even then, Maronite priests must learn Arabic on top of Syriac.
And then, what am I to do if I feel called to serve as a Holy Land Franciscan or a Benedictine at BAC? Would I be forced to abandon the Liturgy of my potential Church? If thats the case then would I not be better just remaining a latin? So many questions and I do not really have a maronite pastor to even ask these questions to! Abuna Bart is a nice guy, but I barely know him, and Abuna Claude I do not know either. Abuna Rudolph is off in Pittsburgh now and perhaps does not even remeber who exactly I was. There is no easy access to the maronite vocations director, excluding phone or letters. I just need to trust that God will not lead me astray and that in the end, whatever I discern, that it will be His will guiding my safetly.